By The Insecure Writer’s Support Group
We’ve all had the experience of being criticized and not in a supportive way. However, seasoned writers know they have to deal with the negative or stop doing what they love to do. Here’s where that old cliché comes in handy: If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!
It’s obvious from the answers the admins at The Insecure Writer’s Support group crafted, that they’re not ready to step out of the kitchen heat. While their replies to the topic of Dealing with the Negative are very different, there were four common threads:
• You can learn from negative criticism.
• Do not retaliate or engage with the person delivering the negativity.
• You can’t please everyone, and when you don’t, it doesn’t really matter.
• Negativity is inevitable.
Thoughts on Dealing with the Negative:
Readers and fans can sometimes dish up some negative stuff. That’s not the direction they wanted in the series. There wasn’t enough “fill in the blank.” Why didn’t this happen? This stuff goes beyond just some random reviewer who didn’t like your book. This is feedback from readers who do like your work, but…Now, you can’t please everyone. Not even all of your fans. However, when confronted with this type of feedback, you can learn from it! What can you do differently in the next book? What would make the fans happy and still follow the storyline? How can you justify what happened? I faced some heat from my debut novel as to why there were no women in the story. I considered the criticism and adjusted for the next book. Not only was one of the main characters a woman, but I explained why none were in the first story. And that’s what you have to do sometimes – learn and grow from the feedback you receive.
– Alex Cavanaugh
When someone asks me how I deal with negative responses that come my way, my best answer is I don’t. However, I’ll amend that brief answer. If I respect the person and if what they say or write about me or my work is well thought-out and clearly expressed, I will weigh their criticism and decide if I want to do anything with it. While my answer seems dispassionate, it’s preceded by a very human response—What the @!#!!, and then some deep breaths to reassert my rational self.
– C. Lee McKenzie
An often surprising source of negativity comes from other authors. Authors who review books can sometimes be harsh, forgetting what it feels like to receive a bad review or how much work went into creating the story. There are several reasons an author might give a less-than-glowing review. Perhaps they have always been critical, and even though they are an author now, they haven’t learned to tone that down. Maybe their book(s) hasn’t received a bad review yet and they don’t know what it feels like. Or perhaps they are just jerks who like to rain on everyone’s parade. And there is always the possibility they are giving your book a bad review to make theirs (in the same genre) look better. You can’t control any of these situations and the author is the one who needs to mature. Resist the urge to retaliate and ignore them. Keep your distance and don’t deal with them in any manner. Remember karma – one day, their critical reviews will come back to haunt them.
– L. Diane Wolfe
The negative always finds a way to seep in. It doesn’t matter if you are writing or out walking the street. Someone will leave you a bad review. Someone will roll their eyes as you walk by them. Someone may even say expletives or show you such expletives with a gesture. You don’t have to do anything to bring forth negativity. You just being there or writing something or saying something is all it takes. So how to deal with it? Some say it is easier said than done, but is it really? When you realize that you are never ever going to please everyone and that what 99.99% of the world thinks of you doesn’t matter, it does get rather easy to shrug it off and move on. That said, if you intend on being a politician someday you may need 50.01% of the people who vote to like you. Just saying.
Dealing with the negative in anything in life is all a state of mind. You realize the above two things are true, and you can keep on keeping on without letting it get to you. If you want to delve further, you can even think of the flip side on the first one. Think of the best thing ever. Best book. Best sports team. Best whatever. Guess what? Someone out there still hates it. So even if what many consider the best of something can’t please everyone, why are you trying? You shouldn’t be. Again, it is never going to happen. Accept that and realize the opinion of most people doesn’t matter to you personally, and you will be well on your way to easily ignoring the negativity.
– Pat Hatt
You can’t get through life without negativity, and it hurts, whether it’s an unkind comment or a cutting critique. Life has forced me to develop strategies to handle it.
When negativity slams me with pain, anxiety, or panic, I let the feelings overwhelm me and count to five, promising myself that when I reach five, I’ll put them aside and deal with it. That calms me, and I can control the count. Next, I look at the negativity. Can I learn from it to improve my creations, my actions, or myself? A rejected story is an opportunity to improve it. Criticism of my actions is an insight into how I can be more effective. A critique of me is a chance to learn and grow as an individual. If the negativity is invalid or cruel, I banish it from my thoughts. Whenever I encounter negative people, I try to understand why they are acting as they are. Sometimes patience from me can improve their day and their treatment of me.
Another strategy I use is putting things into perspective. I remind myself that much of what happens in my life is out of my control and in the end doesn’t matter. That eases the pressure on me, and I can move forward better.
Finally, I practice kindness. I believe in being positive and making a difference, even if it is a small action. Whenever I’ve been desperate, that kindness has been returned to me. I am kind to myself as well. Rather than dwelling on negativity and treating myself harshly because of it, I treat myself with the kindness I’d extend to others. Sometimes to protect myself, I have to distance myself from a toxic person or set boundaries.
I don’t always succeed with my strategies, but I’ve realized that, if all else fails, time helps. Life has taught me that if it weren’t for the negativity I’ve experienced, I wouldn’t learn and grow, and I wouldn’t appreciate the good in my life.
– Louise Barbour
For a writer, negativity comes in different forms. All writers, even the successful published writers, grapple with moments of self doubt. Here are two types that come to mind.
1.THE COMPARISON LIE
We are guilty of comparing ourselves to other writers.
It is senseless to compare yourself to another writer. Maybe that person has been writing for decades and you’ll never know what challenges that person had to overcome on the journey. Every writer comes from a different background with a different voice and different style.
Embrace your writing style, your writing voice and your unique story.
2. THE IDEA/BOOK/SERIES IS TOO BIG FOR ME
You have a wonderful story idea but doubt whether you have the talent or ingredients to write it. No matter how much talent you have, it still needs to be honed. How do we hone our skills? We build writing skills by regular practice.
Put that “big idea” on the mental back burner and let it simmer while you build on the ingredients that will be required. It’s a process that takes time, so give yourself and your story time to grow. As your idea grows and matures, you will build and gather the necessary skills and ingredients.
Even though you can’t control negative thoughts and feelings, you can manage your reaction to the negativity.
– Michelle Wallace
So, next time negativity hits, remember – it will be okay!
About Insecure Writer’s Support Group
Founded by author Alex J. Cavanaugh, the Insecure Writer’s Support Group offers support for writers and authors alike. It provides an online database, articles and tips; a monthly blog posting; a Facebook, X, and Instagram group; and a monthly newsletter. Awarded A Writer’s Digest Best Site for Writers and The Write Life’s Best Site for Writers.
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